


Night of the Living Bread

by Ravenshell



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: 13daysofhorror, 2020 13 Days of Horror, Were-Creatures
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:20:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27102592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravenshell/pseuds/Ravenshell
Summary: Leo gets bitten by a cursed kitchen appliance, and his family must deal with him as a were-toaster.For this year's #13DaysofHorror. Prompt: One of the crew or allies is/becomes a were.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	Night of the Living Bread

Don had to hold his brother back from slicing their newly-scavenged toaster in half with his katana.

“It _bit_ me!”

“It did not bite you. Toasters don’t have teeth.”

“It drew blood!” Leo argued, showing Donnie his bleeding finger before childishly sticking it back in his mouth.

The turtle medic sighed. “It’s possible there’s a loose wire in there that you caught your hand on while sticking your hand in it WHICH is an extremely ill-advised thing to do in the first place!”

“A corner of the bread broke off… I was trying to pull it out!”

“Then you unplug it and use a fork, not a pudgy mutant turtle digit!” Don countered with no small measure of irritation. “Leo, you cannot keep destroying our kitchen appliances just because you have no skill in using them!”

The group’s leader looked supremely offended. “…I do so!”

“Guys?” Don called over his shoulder to the remaining two turtles, standing at the kitchen entry. Both simultaneously shook their heads back and forth.

“You’re no help!” Leo grumped at them.

Raphael smirked. “Aww, is Fearless being bitter that he’s not perfect at everything?”

“Not every problem needs to be solved with a sword, bro,” Mikey added.

“I wouldn’t have to pull my sword if they weren’t all against me!” the normally calm leader all but shouted.

Don, fed up with this, turned Leonardo by his shell and marched him out of the kitchen. “Nope, that’s enough. You can come back when you can stop anthropomorphizing inanimate objects and projecting your failings to use them correctly upon them. Out!”

Sulking, Leo retreated to his room and shut the door. He sat on the floor, crossing his legs and huffing out an irritated breath to start regaining his calm. “I can’t take this kind of pressure,” he mumbled to himself, then started his meditation.

Time flew by in the city of lights, and before long, a full harvest moon crested the horizon in the New York sky. Evenings coming quicker, the ninja brothers were preparing for their nightly patrol, followed by a supply run.

“C’mon, Mike… Fearless is gonna lose his shit if you’re late gettin’ your gear together again…”

“Hang on!” Mikey called back, scrolling through pages on his phone. “They’re running a Stephen King movie I wanna see at ten… think we can get Leo to wrap it up early?”

“What movie?” Raph said, sounding belligerent as ever, but with a hint of interest.

“Maximum Overdrive.”

“That lame one with the cars and shit attacking people?”

Mikey drooped a little. “I like that one!”

Raph glanced around to see if anyone was looking. “I like it too,” he confided in a low tone. “Ta make fun of, I mean. Pretty high cheese level… We’ll see if we can’t send Leo and Don to do shoppin’ on their own after patrol.” Mikey grinned.

Don appeared from his lab to join them. “Are we ready to go? Where’s Leo?”

As if summoned, Leonardo staggered into the room, clutching his head and sweating profusely. “I feel… really odd…” he managed before bending over, racked with pain. His brothers clustered around him to help, only to witness his face warp into something rectangular and metallic. No eyes or mouth remained, only two red-glowing slots. A moment later, Leo threw them all off, uttering a bizarre howl. He turned toward them, and two slices of toast ejected toward them, hitting Raphael’s plastron and dropping harmlessly to the floor. 

“…wut…?” Raph said, utterly befuddled, as were Don and Mikey. 

Leo, however, did not leave them time for contemplation, stalking toward them, then breaking into a run as he singled Michelangelo out as his prey, his short, wiry plug of a tail whipping back and forth behind him. Mikey let out a yelp and ran, the were-toaster trailing him and periodically popping more pieces of toast out at him. 

Raph turned back to his genius brother for some sort of explanation. “Don?”

Donatello merely shook his head in horrified awe. “He said the toaster bit him…”

“Where’d we get this toaster?”

“Crazy Ernie’s Disposal, same as always…”

“Anything particularly weird about it?”

Don tapped his chin. “Come to think of it, it had some weird runes embossed into the chrome… and has a picture of a moon on it instead of the usual sun one would associate with breakfast-time.”

“And you just brought that into our home?! Sounds haunted to me!” Mikey put in as he jogged past. “Or maybe cursed! Check it for ectoplasm! The pink kind!”

Raph gave their youngest brother a weary look, then turned back to Don. “I guess we gotta start somewhere. Go see what you can find out about those runes. We’ll keep Leo busy.”

“What’s this ‘we’ business? I’m the one doing all the running!” Mikey whined back.

Raph stepped in and grappled with the beast, growling as he took a slice of hot bread between the eyes. “What do you reckon, Mike?”

“Me?” the youngest blinked in surprise. 

Raph nodded, straining as he put all his strength into controlling Leo’s arms. “Let’s face it… Leo’s the strategist, Don’s the brains… grh… I’m the muscle… but you’re the one with the expertise in all the weird, paranormal stuff.”

“You’re right!” Mikey said, slapping a fist into his other hand, then shot off into the kitchen.

Raph, suddenly feeling abandoned, hollered after him. “Hey!” but Michelangelo was back directly.

“Hey, Leoaster! How d’ya like these apples?” He smashed one object into the toaster slots of the monster’s ‘face.’ “…and by apples, I mean GARLIC!”

The toaster-head looked slightly annoyed, if a toaster could have an expression. Its elements glowed slightly redder, and it popped out a couple slices of bread along with the garlic bulb at its attacker, otherwise unfazed.

“Okay. That rules out vampire.” He ran back to the kitchen. Raph rolled his eyes.  
  
A moment later, Mikey reappeared, this time armed with a salt shaker, swishing it across the monster’s slots. Leo shook what now passed for his head and sneezed another slice of toast at him in response. “Not a ghost or spirit…” He dashed off again.

Raph took a step back, his foot landing on an errant slice of toast, causing his foot to slip. He went down to one knee, the monster bearing down on him. “Hurry, Mike!” Raph called, feeling his grip weakening.

After a few crashes, the youngest ran back out, carrying the entire dislodged silverware drawer. He held up or tossed mismatched forks, knives and spoons at the Leoaster one by one, having no success. “Worthless, worthless, worthless…”

Don emerged from his lab, hurrying over to pull Leo off of Raph by the rim of his shell.

“Donnie!” Mikey called desperately. “How can you tell if something’s silver?”

“Well,” said Don as he struggled with Leo, getting whipped by the toaster’s lashing cord tail, “—ow!—when exposed to nitric—ow!—acid, it forms—stop that!—a greenish foam.”

Raphael huffed, snagging the cord out of the air. “Got anything faster?”

“Oh! Uh… silver oxidizes with air, and forms a patina!”

“Donnie…” Mike shot him a withering look.

“They’ll be dark, with sort of a rainbowy sheen to them!”

The orange-banded turtle rummaged around in the drawer. “Aha! Got one!” He stepped boldly forward. “Back!” he demanded, wielding a tarnished fork at his brother. The creature advanced on him. Michelangelo stepped forward, despite his brother’s swings at him, and touched the silver to the metal of what was now Leo’s face. With a howl of agony, the Leoaster quickly backed away.

“That actually worked?” Don said in baffled awe.

“Hey, no complaints from me! Atta boy, Mikey! Don, grab a chair. Mike, toss me your kusarigama!” The youngest obliged, pitching one of his chucks to Raph, who converted it and pulled the chain taut to wrap around Leo as Mikey backed him into the chair Don supplied. With the monster bound, Raph wedged the blade beneath the chains to secure them.

The creature struggled, occasionally shooting pieces of toast at them, but stilled if it got too wild and Mikey came near with the fork.

“Now what do we do?” Mikey queried.

Raph turned to Don. “You find anything out about that weird gibberish yet?”

“Actually, I think I may have a lead.” He waved for his brothers to follow him into his lab, where he brought up several pictures to show his brothers on his monitor. “These runes appear to be ancient Aztec, and are associated with the god of toasted bread, Papsaptostlotl.”

“Are you kiddin’ me, Donnie?! Even I know the Aztecs did _not_ have electricity, much less toasters!”

“I didn’t say they had toasters, _Raph_ , I said they had toasted bread. They had maize, which they made into a sort of corn patty and baked in stone ovens.”

“Just like the brick oven I make pizza in!” Mikey realized excitedly.

The genius nodded. “Exactly. Ovens dedicated to Papsaptostlotl had these runes carved on the outside, and a portion of the breads made in them were offered to the god in sacrifice. Whoever made our toaster and engraved the runes may have been part of a surviving secret cult of Papsaptostlotl, possibly passing the rituals on to the Spanish in the practice of Paneteria, the pagan god later being converted into the Christian Saint Brindis. The addition of the depiction of the moon indicates that the ceremonies were to be performed at night, particularly under a full moon.”

Michelangelo stared in awe. “You think the Aztecs might’ve made the first pizza?”

Don contemplated for a moment. “Well, tomatoes are a New World plant, though they probably didn’t have the large, sweet, cultivated varieties we have today… they may have potentially used something like tomatillos, and if they had a bacterial culture of some sort, could have produced a white cheese from the milk from goats, llamas, or alpacas—”

“Never mind the Ancient Aliens pizza! Does it say anything there about were-toasters and curing Leo?” Raph snapped.

“Oh… Right.” Scrolling and clicking a bit more, the genius shook his head. “Nothing specific. Though I have a theory… many of the South American cultures worshipped animal avatars of sorts. Certain rituals could imbue the recipient with the spirit or aspects of these animals, even transform them. Often, a sacrifice of some sort was involved, sometimes requiring an offering of human blood.”

Raph shook a finger, making a mental connection. “Leo said the toaster bit him. It drew blood.”

“That could explain how he got this way,” Donnie agreed.

“So now we know how, but how do we make Leo…” Mikey gestured with his hands, searching for words, “un-a-were…?” Raph slapped his hand across his face.

Don was silent as he racked his brain for answers, when a confused call of, “Guys?” reached them from the other room.

“Leo!” Raph exclaimed, leading the charge back to their brother.

Leonardo, now looking like a completely normal mutant turtle in ninja gear, wriggled against the chain. “Guys, what’s going on? Why am I tied up?”

The three of them blinked at him. “He reverted!” Don said.

“Is that it, then? Is he back to normal?” 

The hot-tempered turtle moved toward Leo’s chair to unbind him, but Mikey threw an arm in front of him. “Don’t let him loose yet! Maybe a cloud just passed over the moon. As soon as it’s gone, we’re looking at Leoaster 2, Electronic Boogaloo.”

Don put his hands on his hips, challenging his younger sibling with incredulity. “That makes no sense! Moon phases are one thing, but why would a cloud blocking the moon have any affect on Leo down here where he can’t even see the moon?!”

Mikey scowled and snapped back, “Look, I don’t make the rules!”

Leo turned to Raph while Don and Mikey bickered about science versus lore. “Short version is, the toaster is cursed, and you turned into a were-toaster and ran around tryna shoot us full ‘a hot bread.” 

Leo blinked at him. “…What…”

“Yeah, you’re pretty much the lamest threat ever, but ‘til Donnie-boy can figure out how to get you back to normal, we decided to tie you down.”

“Good call,” Leo agreed. “Don’t let me out as long as I’m any danger to you guys.”

“Please,” Raph snorted, but then looked dubious. “We can’t keep you tied up forever, though…”

“Shouldn’t have to,” Mikey interjected. “Just wait a couple days until the moon isn’t full anymore.”

“That’s fine for now, but what about when the next month rolls around? Won’t Leo just toaster-up again?”

Don pointed to their younger sibling. “Mikey has the idea that if we destroy the source of the curse, Leo will be cured.”

The leader nodded. “Great. How do we do that?”

Don held his chin. “Well, the traditional Aztec way to deal with this sort of problem was to throw the afflicted and any cursed objects into Popocatepetl, the local volcano, but since we haven’t got any of those in the immediate area, I’m hoping just chopping it up and throwing it in the closest metal foundry will do the trick.”

At this, an unholy howl went up from the kitchen. At the same time, Leo groaned and writhed, his features twisting and warping back into appliance shape. Transformation completed, he threw his toaster head back and let out a similar buzzing holler.

Raph’s brows scrunched together. “The hell was that?!”

“I don’t think it liked that idea,” Mikey guessed.

Don grabbed the back of the chair to keep the Leoaster from overturning it as Mikey headed for the kitchen to investigate the source of the noise. The monster kept twisting, catching Don off guard and scalding his hand with a blast of localized heat, but the genius shifted away from him each time, not allowing himself to be caught again.

Michelangelo, meanwhile, backed his way worriedly out of the kitchen. “Uh, guys..?” Advancing on him, clanking or skidding across the concrete floor of the lair, were their electric kettle, microwave, popcorn-maker, coffeemaker, and other appliances, headed by the toaster, hovering at eye-level and bathed in an eerie red glow… or maybe that was from its own elements. Mikey squealed and retreated behind Raphael. “It’s like a B-movie show!”

Raph gave a flat look at both Mikey and the oncoming appliances. “What, seriously?” he said, turning the open mouth of the overturned blender away with a toe. “Our refurbished kitchen junk is the biggest threat you’ve got?” He reconsidered slightly, cursing and moving his other foot out of the path of the hot air blasted at his ankle by the popcorn maker.

“No,” Mikey corrected, pointing to the refrigerator awkwardly lumbering toward them, “I’d say _that_ is!”

The freezer door swung open, showing a hissing and yowling Ice Cream Kitty being thrown from side to side as if she was attempting to pilot an out of control mech.

“Hang in there, Kitty! We’ll save you!” Mikey called to her desperately, while Raph stood by, still nonplussed.

“What’s the worst it’s gonna do, fall on you?” He gave the microwave a kick, knocking it on its face, where it flopped around helplessly. But, that was exactly what the fridge did as Mikey dashed in to snatch Ice Cream Kitty from its chilly grip, pinning the rice cooker and mixer beneath it.

The levitating toaster howled again. The turtles’ VCR, game consoles and controllers slid and slithered out of their places. Their ancient TV toddled forward, falling screen-first off its stand with a shatter. Mikey looked devastated, reaching toward it. “Nooooooo!!!”

Don gave a yelp as he turned toward his lab. Sure enough, a number of drones whizzed out, his laptop crept out like an inchworm, and dozens of tiny machines swarmed out of the lab like a plague of roaches. “Agh!” he screamed, swatting at a pair of drones as they buzzed him, and at his micro devices as they tried scuttling up his legs. “My creations have turned on me! I knew this day would come!”

“AAAHH!” Mikey yelled, out of nowhere.

“What??” the others demanded in concern.

Mikey fished his phone out of his belt. “My T-phone just started vibrating like crazy. Startled me, heh.” He tossed it nonchalantly in the pit.

The Leoaster took the opportunity to smash his chair against the wall and escape his chains and seized Donatello to spit a dusting of hot crumbs into his eyes. 

“Oh, come on!” Don yelled, defending himself blind while rubbing his eyes.

Raph growled, using his sai to snag a drone out of the air, throwing it to the ground and smashing it underfoot, making Don wince. “Alright, that’s about enough of the lamest attack ever. How d’we stop this frakkin’ toaster, Don?”

“I… I…” the genius started, looking distraught, while still fighting off both Leo and his micro-bots. “The Aztecs didn’t say anything about this!” he wailed.

Raph grunted, tripping over a game controller cord as it tried to wrap his ankles. “Fine… instead of that… Mikey, how do you take down a toaster?”

Mikey pondered, swinging his nun-chuck at various devices while sheltering Ice Cream Kitty with his other arm. “Unplug it?”

“Pretty sure this one’s already gone wireless. What else ya got?”

“You give it to Leo,” Don quipped, indicating the transformed leader with a jerk of the head while he grappled with him.

Raph chuckled with him. “Normally I’d agree with you on that, but we’re currently short one Fearless Leader.”

Mikey thought for a moment. “Oh!” He pulled the silver fork from his belt and charged his transformed brother, evading his swings and stabbing the utensil into the lower slot of Leo’s toaster face. The creature let out an unending screech, struggling and flailing, trying to remove the fork, but Mikey tucked his head into his shell and either blocked the blows or took the damage as his brother eventually returned, panting and sweating, to his original form.

Leo gazed around himself, bewildered, then seemed to realize there was an object in his mouth and moved to pull it out.

Don stopped him, shoving it back in. “Ah-ah-ah-ah, you keep that in your mouth for now. It may be the only thing keeping you from transforming again.” Leo shifted the fork around uncomfortably, but did as told.

Mikey grinned triumphantly. “That’s what I thought!” He turned to Raph, his tone and grin becoming a touch more malevolent. “Jam a fork in it, Raph!”

“By your command!” Raphael crowed, spinning his sai and leaping for the floating toaster. The levitating appliance tried to evade by floating out of the enraged turtle’s path, but ultimately was no match for a dual-wielding ninja.

“Just be careful not to have contact with the metal,” Donnie called belatedly, “or it might…”

“YAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA!”

“…shock…you…”

Electronics all over the lair dropped lifelessly to the floor. Raph wandered back over to his brothers, jelly-kneed, scorched, breathing hard, and with his mask tails sticking up in the air at odd angles, little bolts of static running up them. “There. Wasn’t so hard. Let’s go dump this thing in the foundry before it can cause any more trouble.” He glanced to Mikey. “Then we can go watch our movie.”

The orange-banded turtle shuffled his feet. “I’m… kinda not feeling it right now,” he said. “And neither is the TV…”

“I’m sure the TV will still work, even if the screen is cracked,” Don reassured. “Throwing that toaster into Mount Doom isn’t a three hobbit job—”

“Fouw!” Leo complained around the fork, but Don stabbed a finger at him.

“ _You_ are not leaping rooftops with that in your mouth! And you’re keeping it in there until these two get back successfully! Besides, someone has to clean all this up!”

“Dommie!” the leader whined. 

“No, I don’t want to hear about it! I’ve told you time and again not to mess with the toaster and now this place looks like the aftermath of a showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show… you’re made your bread, now lie in it!”

Raph and Mikey made their way out of the lair, leaving Don and Leo to pick up the mess of toast and appliances in various states of disrepair.

“Ya know,” Raph said as they walked, “I’m not really in the mood for a Stephen King flick anymore.”

“ _Toy Story_ ‘s on channel seven,” Mikey replied.

“Sounds good,” Raph nodded, then looked down at the skewered toaster in his hands. “Why the heck does all the weird stuff happen ta us?”

**Author's Note:**

> I won't be able to cover all 13 of this year's prompts, but I plan on producing something for as many as I can, while also trying to put out a little trio of chapters for Trouble Brewing for Halloween, and my horror well is kind of drained, so these will mostly be fairly silly fics. ;p Have a spoopy time, everyone!
> 
> I have thrown every toaster reference I know at this story… see if you spotted them all! These include song and lyric references from The Brave Little Toaster, Battlestar Galactica, Ghostbusters, RHPS and Maximum Overdrive. Papsaptostlatl (pronounced pops-up-toast-a-lot-l) is of my own machinations. Paneteria references the practice of Santeria, the worship of saints; paneteria is Spanish for a bakery or bread shop. Brindis is Spanish for ‘toast’. The swing at Toy Story is in reference to John Lasseter, the mind behind both The Brave Little Toaster and later, Toy Story.


End file.
